Monday, June 15, 2009

environ-mentalist: fighting for the trees

This band has to be the angriest band in a very long time. Yes, most
of its current and former members are either in prison or awaiting

No urban legend: Former band member, then drummer Brett Woodup,
attacked a mother and her children waiting in line in their SUV at
a fast-food restaurant and doused them in gasoline. Fortunately
for them, a quicker-than-usual fast-food employee remembered the
hot coffee trick and drenched Woodup, the would-be perpetrator, in
hot coffee and styrofaom cups before Woodup could set the family
ablaze. Woodup now sits on death row in Texas --the detectives
found that he had previously killed his parents and was living off
his inheritance.

The toted cause of this band is the environment, but some critics
suspect that this band uses any excuse it can muster to destroy
property with abandon and to maim other people. No one has been
sacrificed for the band's cause yet, but the band keeps trying.

Band supporter and top music critic, Justin Nap, writes, "A cause
not worth killing other people for is no cause at all. Buy environ-
mentalist's latest."

Indeed, ex-Revengers of the Forest members Nate Berloin and Susan
Softgrowth, now environ-mentalist members, believe that they are
the children of the god Vir and that their mission is to cleanse
the earth.

The lawyer for former envion-mentalist Judy Pierce, once back-up
singer and tambourine player, argues that her client's arson attacks
on nail salons were not a hate crime, but an attempt to save the
environment from the ravages of acetone.

Their reasoning and related actions suspect, environ-mentalist
members have taken the stand: "show no reason." Their current hit,
"Find the Re-Cycle Bin or Have Your Arm Broken," is Number 1 on the
charts and "green henchman," the song about Druids, is Number 7.
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